Wellies and Le Affaire de Cheval

Wellies. Everybody loves Wellingtons. They are fun, cute, stylish... and oh so necessary when you are traipsing around a muddy stable with full of horse shit!

I bought these Wellies today. I have never been so happy to purchase a pair of boots in my life. If I have to side step one more pile of horse shit without rubber boots.... Somebody is going DOWN! If I come home with sand between my toes one more time.... and I have NOT gone to the beach... Your gonna hear about me on CNN....

"American girl goes postal at French horse stable!"

Today was horseback riding... I love Tuesdays because the Kid has something to do in the afternoon that requires him to be out of the house. He spends a lot of time inside the house... as do many French people, and needs to get out more. I like it because I don't have to actually plan anything for him. It rained all day yesterday so his lesson began in the indoor riding ring. Today was especially cool because he took his lesson with typical kids. Of course he engaged in loud vocalizations the ENTIRE time but hey.... he was with typical peers. His older cousin was with him and was able to assist with all the good prompting stuff. I of course had 2 clickers counting all the loud vocs. After the lesson, the group took a trot in the forest. This part was cool until I had to trudge through mud and slime and horse shit behind the group.... while clicking screaming and loud vocs.

Ok... not so much my idea of a good time.

"We're going deeper into the forest? SHITE! Don't stand directly behind the horse? Ok... uh... there's mud... (step right).... there's mud here too... F**ck! This SUCKS without boots, I am so buying Wellies. Forget this crap. Ouch, damned branch... where the hell did that come from?" Merde!

Of course I had to go straight to the source for my Wellies.... yep you guessed it ENGLAND, because French people don't have feet larger than a size 8. This annoys me... because I am a SHOE WHORE and I have big feet. The fact that I can't go shopping in the "Fashion Capital of the World" for shoes that fit really gets me going. I feel cheated... kinda like the person who won the prize but has to call the 800 number to collect! SHITE!

Anyways, the Wellies will be here in time for next week's affaire de cheval. Yeah, bring on the horse shit now!

Sick and Chronopost

I am sick. I've got my first cold in France. It is not so bad since I was smart enough to bring some Tylenol cold tablets with me on the trip. It was actually the very last thing I packed. I ventured to the pharmacy in Bourgtheroulde to purchase some homeopathic meds also. I got some belladonna, mercurius solubilis, kalium bichromium, and lysopaine. I got this stuff on the advice of The Mom to deal with the symptoms. Of course I am tired, and wished that I could sleep in but that is not to be... even though it is my day off. I will attempt to take a nap before my consult at 5pm.

Chronopost... It ain't USPS, that's for sure! Ask me how much fun I'm having trying to track down an envelope they attempted to deliver on 10/17. I've contacted USPS, Chronospost US and France, and The local Poste to find out where the hell 1 USPS Priority International Flat Rate envelope is!. How hard can this be.... No one seems to know where this envelope is, this distresses me because the documents are translations that I need here in France. I will be highly pissed if these docs end up back in the US because some smelly Frenchman failed to deliver a simple notice about how to schedule a redelivery!
So... now I am waiting for a return call from Diep to see if she can find out if the envelope got a new french tracking number.... lets keep the fingers crossed!

The Conspiracy

I tried to prepare for my trip as much as possible. I got a pedicure, eyebrow, and bikini wax the day I left. I knew that once I arrived I would need to find a place to get these things taken care of. The pedicure held up great, ditto for the bikini wax. The brow wax held up great too but now it's obvious that I need to get the eyebrows done.

I have found a place in Elbeuf that can take care of all my waxing needs… or so I thought. The place is called Espace Beaute Lea Nails. I went last Thursday at around 5pm to see if I could get an on the spot appt. Wouldn’t you know that was not meant to be. Instead I made an appointment for Monday which I had to call and reschedule for today because my days off changed. It went something like this…

"J’ai un rendez-vous a onze heure for une cire de sourcils. Je besoin changer mon rendez-vous." I have an appt for an eyebrow wax at 11 am. I need to change my appointment.

"Oui, madame, Mercredi a seize heure?" Yes, madame, How about 4pm on Wednesday?

"D’accord, Mecredi a seize heure!" Ok, Wednesday at 4pm.

"Merci, au revoir!" Thank you, see you soon.

Awesome, so I got the rescheduled the brow wax for today at 4pm, which is my day off… great works for me. I arrived about 10 minutes before the appointment. Awesome… it’s not crowded… I’ll get in and out…. I’ll get decent looking eyebrows! Yay!

NOT!

I entered and gave the standard greeting of “Bonjour” and waited for the tech to come and get my name. We didn’t even get that far before the bubble burst….

“Madame, nous avons un problem.” Madame, we have a problem.

“Quel est la problem?” What is the problem? Fucking-A!

“ La techniciene va a hospital.” The technician went to the hospital. This chick had better be dying too….

“ Damn, damn, damn!” I didn’t say this out loud but I was screaming it at the top of my lungs inside my head.

“Je voudrais un autre rendez-vous, sil vous plait.” I would like another appointment, please. Am I gonna have to do my own eyebrows?

“A demain a dix-sept heure?" Tomorrow at 5pm? Here we go again…

“Oui”….. and she better have her ass here tomorrow when I arrive!

"A bientot, au revoir!"

I’m beginning to think this is a damn conspiracy… a conspiracy designed to see how long the American girl can go looking like a caveman, needing an eyebrow wax! If this chick isn’t there tomorrow evening… I’m gonna have to breakdown and do the unthinkable….

go out and buy a pair of tweezers. Shite.

The Prefecture, and Le Rendez-Vous de Le Cheval

Today was a good day! I finally got my carte de sejour (provisional), my definitive carte grise for my car and today was a light work day!

The French have an obsession with taking forever to get stuff done. They are known for their ongoing bureaucracy. I had read about it before moving here but I had no idea how bad it was until I dared to demand a carte residence. It has taken a month to get an appointment at the Prefecture to apply for the carte. The Prefecture gives you an appointment time and tells you in a threatening manner that the appointment time is fixed and you had best show up or else. Ok... if I want the resident carte, why would I not show up? Who does that? Why the threats? Aren't we all adults?


So I show up 5 minutes before the appointment time and get to sit with all the other immigrants trying to get resident cartes. Now I know what it feels like trying to get a green card! The lady called my name and asked for all my documentation... in rapid fire french, which I hastily provided. She said, "merci" and asked me to wait until they called my name. 15 minutes later my name was called again and I had a carte resident provisional. It was so weird hearing, "Madame Cardwell",I kept thinking, "are they talking about me?"


OK, so what do I have to do now? I have to get a medical exam, have a chest x-ray, open a bank account, and get a letter verifying my registration in a French class.... That's it? You sure you don't want to me perform open heart surgery as well? Ok... I think I can handle that!


After the carte resident I went to grab a number to apply for the carte grise. This is the registration for my car. So after I got the form from the info desk, I had to take a number to have my application processed. It didn't take long for number 1170 to be called, in fact it happened so quickly that I hadn't even finished filling out the form. Now this is a huge change from my adventures at the DMV! I can wait up to an hour at the DMV with a number and fill out 6 forms. So I stroll on over to poste 6 and greet the assessor.....


My God! I sit down in front of him and get a whiff of... I can't even describe the stench as anything other than "Ode to Funk!" WTF? Dude, you work with the public! How can you not use deodorant? How can you not know your armpits are humming... and NOT a Precision tune! I sat down and tried not to fall over in the chair from the stench! Thank goodness he didn't move around too much... or I would have had to explain in my turtle French why I was constantly breathing into my shirt!

After giving the State of France 99 euros for the carte grise, I was on my way... to breathing some clean air!

Later we drove to an equestrian club in La Londe, so The Kid could go horseback riding. There are 3 clubs in La Londe but this one... Centre Equine L'Ourail is the only one that works with people with disabilities. Actually we were late getting to the lesson and there was a handicapped group ending their lesson. So we saddled up Etiquette and The Kid mounted up . The Kid cried the ENTIRE time he was on the horse. Etiquette soon got tired of the racket and stopped walking and refused to take another step until The Kid shut the hell up!

Go Etiquette! Etiquette stopped walking and decided he needed a snack. He refused to move until The Kid calmed down. He munched on nearby grass and didn't care who pulled on his bridle.

Who says animals are dumb?

The French Class

As a part of my requirements for getting a long stay visa, I had to agree to take some French classes. So since I am close to Rouen, I decided to get another Diploma., the DELF--- Diplome Etude de Langue Francais.

The DELF is recognized worldwide. I am taking a class for 1 year and at the end I can take an exam to document my French proficiency. The class is cheap by American university standards, and is cheaper than my on line class at St. Cloud State. It's like $500 for the school year!

I am taking the course at the University of Rouen. Rouen is beautiful! It ain't Paris but its got some really cool places to see. I haven't seen much of it but what I have seen is really wonderful. I can't wait to see more and post the pics. In the meantime, this will have to do.... This is the Rouen Cathedral... nice, huh?

My first class was last Friday, I am the only American in the class. What's funny is that I'm not the only person that speaks English! You can't know how happy I was to hear English. Where I live I know 2 people that speak English... that's it! So I was super giddy when I heard people talking in a language I could easily understand. Usually I have to have things repeated 2-3 times if someone is speaking in rapid fire French.... I still haven't figured out how to check my answering machine messages 'cause the french girl is talking too fast!

Bonjour, j' mapelle Cherice. Je suis americaine. J'aime Grey's Anatomy et Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Je parle un peu le francais! Non, je ne mange pas le cheval!

Hi, my name is Cherice. I am American. I like Grey's Anatomy and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I speak a little french. No, I do not eat horse!

Shut Up And Drive...

So because of the recent escapades with the bus, I decided to purchase a car. I have had my own car since I was 16... and I have been getting around on my own since then. The only exception was a year that I lived in LA and had to take the bus/train everywhere. Taking the bus train was easy and I could go any and everywhere.





Let me give you some reasons for buying the car:

1. Missing the 150B bus would leave me stranded, making me late for work. It also means giving myself an extra hour of sleep a day and gives me 2 additional hours at home after work!

2. Taking the bus home would require me getting a ride to the bus stop after work. This means not leaving on time and being at the whim of other people.... getting home later.

3. Doing large scale grocery shopping would be impossible because I would have to lug a bunch of crap on the bus. It also means doing grocery shopping with my client!

4. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries... I need boundaries! When work is over I want to go the fuck home... not wait for people to drop me off!

5. I want to see Normandy! I can't visit all the chateau, the churches, and the other amazing sites on the bus... and I don't want to be with other people all the time either!



So you see, buying the Renault was the best move I have made since I arrived. I get to work on time... I leave on time, and if I want to go to McDonalds for dinner or grab some Chinese I can. I can just get in my car and drive.

Let's have a look at some more photos...



This was taken outside my flat. Notice the Club on the car. I thought it best to at least try to protect my investment...

Buying a car was very simple... after I told the car salesman I wanted to buy a car... He let me take it for a test drive and then we discussed the price. Now mind you, He wanted way more for the car than I was willing to spend. I was able to get him to reduce the price to what I thought was reasonable for a car its year and condition.



In France, everyone drives a manual, the only folks who drive automatic are the handicapped and the very old. While I was prepared to buy a 5-speed, I figured I might as well make my life as easy as possible. This car is automatic, I drive automatatic, so I'll buy an automatic! Tres simple! Buying a car is all-inclusive too. The tags and the registration all come with the car. The registration is good for 1 month while you get your carte grise ( registration listing you as the owner) at the prefecture.



Buying the car was easier than getting internet... which is crazy but true!

Hipchick Takes the Bus...

This is just another entry in the ongoing saga that is my new life in France.

I moved to France to work with Autistic kiddies and perfect my French. I found a way to combine 2 things that mean a lot to me... Children with Autism and France. I can not explain my love affair with France because I do not know when it began. I know it was way before I ever set foot here back in 2001.

I digress...

So I moved here and my very first client lives in the country.... meaning RURAL. This means that Hipchick (who lives in town) has to take the bus out to the country... everyday ( well OK, 5 days a week) ! Well, this requires a lot of planning and research, and coordination. The Mom ( the Kid's mother) was nice enough to do all the grunt work and all I had t do was get on the bus.

Sounds easy? Yeah well, all I can say is that it sounds easy on paper... and that's about it! Here is the game plan to get Hipchick to work:

Take the A bus to Caudebec Mairie ( City hall)
Get off at Cerisaie ( stadium)
Walk 1 block, Turn Right on Andre Maurois to Champ de Foire (fairgrounds)
Take 150B bus to Bourgetheroulde Mairie ( city hall)

Well that was what I had planned to do, and I thought it'd be easy since it sounded so simple. Getting to the Champ de Foire was easy... I'd say a no-brainer even...
But getting that 2nd bus to Bourgetheroulde was straight up crazy!

After waiting for 20+ minutes a bus numbered 150B arrived at my stop and I happily boarded the bus. I will admit that I was thinking the whole taking the bus thing wasn't gonna be so bad.

The Driver didn't understand me when I asked to buy a carnet (book) of 10 trips. He looked at me like I was crazy and whistled...

Just gimme the fucking book already and save your comments! So he pulled out the book but wouldn't let me purchase because his machine was broken. So... I got to ride the bus for FREE. Ordinarily this would be a great thing. But I should have known then to get off this bus.... cause there is NO SUCH THING AS A FREE BUS RIDE!

The bus was taking the what seemed to be the normal route to get to The Kid's house. Then all of a sudden it took a turn. I didn't think anything of this because most buses take additional turns to cover other aspects of the route. Hey I'm new here... what do I know? Everything was kosher until the bus stopped... and I was NOWHERE near the Bourgetheroulde city hall!

I looked at the driver and he nicely told me that we were at the end of the line. THE END OF THE LINE?

WTF? I am supposed to be going to Bourgetheroulde! I had no clue about where I was, but I got off the bus and started walking. It is here that I should add that it is about 7:30 am, cold and foggy with zero visibility! Yeah, you know I was bitter.

Come to find out I was about 3 miles from Bourgetheroulde. So Hipchick started hoofin' it!
No problem, it's foggy, cold, and I have no idea what the phone number of the family is to call them!
Ok, just keep walking.... something will come to you.

So I keep walking and eventually I walk to another bus stop. Wouldn't you know that the bus only comes once in the morning!
Shite! Keep walking....

I stopped and asked a girl if she was waiting for the bus... she said yes but it was the bus back to town... No good, I need to get to Bourgetheroulde... So I keep walking!

Eventually the sidewalk disappears (cause hey, it's the country...the sheep don't need sidewalks!) and Hipchick is left to walk on the side of the road. I walk along the side of the road for about 1 mile until I hear a car honk at me.

I look up and see that The Dad has come searching for me and has found me on the road. He pulled onto a side road and comes to help me with my backpack (yes, I looked like a damn hitchhiker!) and open the car door for me. He is trying to control his mirth and not laugh out loud. He is not doing a good job... I tell him to go ahead and laugh... I can see that he can hardly contain himself.

Once I get into car, the Dad begins to tell me there are 2 150B buses...

WHERE THE HELL WAS THAT INFORMATION BEFORE I GOT ON THE WRONG DAMN BUS?

Oh, that's just great! That's just wonderful!

So that afternoon... I went out and bought a car!

That Was Then...This Is Now

There once was "The Villa". A great little 1Br condo that overlooked the park. It needed major updating, but the rent was good and cheap for the neighborhood. The people were awesome and everyone had a dog... I was most content. This is what the Villa used to be...

Now there is "The Flat".

This is what I now live in. I have given up my little villa that overlooks the grassy knoll, and have moved into "The Flat". The flat is nice... I was the first one to christen the shower and use the washer/dryer... The flat is nice... very nice indeed. Modestly decorated in the typical French style, with some Spanish influence. All the appliances and furniture are new. There is some wonderful tile in the bathroom and every time I go in there I feel really happy. Its got a combination of colors that I love... blue and yellow.The best part about "The Flat" is it is FREE! You can't beat that with a bat, shovel, or anything else in hanging on your little tool belt! It's kinda hip and funky, especially with the red pillows. The red makes it punchy and alive! I like it.

Here are the kitchen, dining room, mudroom areas. I really appreciate the mudroom-esque. I don't have to take coats and shoes upstairs. That works for me because the shoes are the first thing to come off when I walk into the house.

So for now... this is home...I'll post other pics from the flat on another page.