Things I Miss About The US

I been in France 2 months and here are some things that I miss about the good ole USA...



1. Starbucks. I am admitting Starbucks is my needful thing. I need a Dulce de Leche latte every other day.



2.Mexican restaurants. Taco Bell, Chipotle, Chevys, forget it. Won't find them here. Every now and again a girl has gotta have a buritto. There is a Casa Papito in Bourgetheroulde but I haven't tried it yet. I guess I should have researched taco trucks in France before I arrived.



3. Shoe shopping. I miss shopping for shoes in my size... I see all these killer boots and shoes and hate that I can't buy any. I hate the fact that Zappos does not ship international.



4. My Solara. I miss driving my car with the moon roof and tinted windows. I miss the CD player too. My Renault is small and doesn't have the same smooth ride as the Solara.

5. Cheap gas. I know some people think gas hasn't been cheap since the 1990's but try paying 45 euros everytime you fill up your gas tank... then tell me that paying $2.25-2.50 per gallon isn't cheap gas.

6. Tall men. French men are incredibly short, and you can almost tell who is French and who isn't just by the height. Where are all the basketball players?

7. Stores that stay open late... I miss being able to stop at the 7-11 at 2or 3 in the am after the club or getting McDonalds after a wild night of partying... The Chez McDo closes promptly at 8pm. The grocery store closes at 8....9 on Saturday night! No late night grocery shopping here... and 24 hr stores... forget it!

8. Knowing how to get around. I spend more time lost in my car than I like. I am seriously considering getting a GPS. A girl has gotta get where's shes gotta go.

9. Brunch with the gang. I think the last time we did brunch it was February, and that was ages ago... so much has happened since then.

10. Mail. I miss getting mail, even if its bills. I've received one letter since my arrival here. I wish more people wrote letters... it really is a lost art.

11. Netflix. I miss American movies in English. Oh, don't get me wrong, there are plenty of American films... they're just all in French.

Visite Medical Obligatoire

Oh yes, friends! You must have a chest x-ray and physical if you want to become a resident of France. Ok, I'm alright with this... I'm healthy, my lungs are good. I can totally handle a medical visit.

When I registered for the French class, the university gave me an appointment for the medical visit... 2 MONTHS OUT! That was back in September, and today I have arrived at the medical vist and radiographe to learn I am not "on the list". What does this mean exactly? It means that even though I have a convocation, and an appointment, because I am not on the list I will not be seen.

YOU'VE HAD 2 MONTHS TO PUT MY NAME ON THE LIST! WTF WERE YOU DOING ALL THAT TIME?

I am trying to remain calm about this... because these things happen... especially in France. I had to go back to the Prefecture to find out who f**cked up and and figure out if things were gonna take another 2 months to straighten out...

Once I got to the Prefecture, I was greeted by 48 other people (mostly students) who just went through the same thing as me.... Come to find out the Prefecture failed to send the information to the medical vist folks, hence a no-show on the list!

After standing in queue for about 20 minutes, a woman came out of the office and judiciously informed us we needed to make photo copies of our provisional resident card and return to medical visit folks to drop off the copy.

"Uhmmm... you fucked up and I have to make another trip over the the doctor's office? Don't you have a fax machine? "

Back to the Dr.'s office for foreigners to drop off the photo copy I go. I will get a letter in the poste indicating the next appt time and date.... along with a letter to pay 55 euros.

"Ok, so you fucked up and now I have to pay you? Why don't I just bend over right here for you while I'm at it?"

Wellies and Le Affaire de Cheval

Wellies. Everybody loves Wellingtons. They are fun, cute, stylish... and oh so necessary when you are traipsing around a muddy stable with full of horse shit!

I bought these Wellies today. I have never been so happy to purchase a pair of boots in my life. If I have to side step one more pile of horse shit without rubber boots.... Somebody is going DOWN! If I come home with sand between my toes one more time.... and I have NOT gone to the beach... Your gonna hear about me on CNN....

"American girl goes postal at French horse stable!"

Today was horseback riding... I love Tuesdays because the Kid has something to do in the afternoon that requires him to be out of the house. He spends a lot of time inside the house... as do many French people, and needs to get out more. I like it because I don't have to actually plan anything for him. It rained all day yesterday so his lesson began in the indoor riding ring. Today was especially cool because he took his lesson with typical kids. Of course he engaged in loud vocalizations the ENTIRE time but hey.... he was with typical peers. His older cousin was with him and was able to assist with all the good prompting stuff. I of course had 2 clickers counting all the loud vocs. After the lesson, the group took a trot in the forest. This part was cool until I had to trudge through mud and slime and horse shit behind the group.... while clicking screaming and loud vocs.

Ok... not so much my idea of a good time.

"We're going deeper into the forest? SHITE! Don't stand directly behind the horse? Ok... uh... there's mud... (step right).... there's mud here too... F**ck! This SUCKS without boots, I am so buying Wellies. Forget this crap. Ouch, damned branch... where the hell did that come from?" Merde!

Of course I had to go straight to the source for my Wellies.... yep you guessed it ENGLAND, because French people don't have feet larger than a size 8. This annoys me... because I am a SHOE WHORE and I have big feet. The fact that I can't go shopping in the "Fashion Capital of the World" for shoes that fit really gets me going. I feel cheated... kinda like the person who won the prize but has to call the 800 number to collect! SHITE!

Anyways, the Wellies will be here in time for next week's affaire de cheval. Yeah, bring on the horse shit now!

Sick and Chronopost

I am sick. I've got my first cold in France. It is not so bad since I was smart enough to bring some Tylenol cold tablets with me on the trip. It was actually the very last thing I packed. I ventured to the pharmacy in Bourgtheroulde to purchase some homeopathic meds also. I got some belladonna, mercurius solubilis, kalium bichromium, and lysopaine. I got this stuff on the advice of The Mom to deal with the symptoms. Of course I am tired, and wished that I could sleep in but that is not to be... even though it is my day off. I will attempt to take a nap before my consult at 5pm.

Chronopost... It ain't USPS, that's for sure! Ask me how much fun I'm having trying to track down an envelope they attempted to deliver on 10/17. I've contacted USPS, Chronospost US and France, and The local Poste to find out where the hell 1 USPS Priority International Flat Rate envelope is!. How hard can this be.... No one seems to know where this envelope is, this distresses me because the documents are translations that I need here in France. I will be highly pissed if these docs end up back in the US because some smelly Frenchman failed to deliver a simple notice about how to schedule a redelivery!
So... now I am waiting for a return call from Diep to see if she can find out if the envelope got a new french tracking number.... lets keep the fingers crossed!

The Conspiracy

I tried to prepare for my trip as much as possible. I got a pedicure, eyebrow, and bikini wax the day I left. I knew that once I arrived I would need to find a place to get these things taken care of. The pedicure held up great, ditto for the bikini wax. The brow wax held up great too but now it's obvious that I need to get the eyebrows done.

I have found a place in Elbeuf that can take care of all my waxing needs… or so I thought. The place is called Espace Beaute Lea Nails. I went last Thursday at around 5pm to see if I could get an on the spot appt. Wouldn’t you know that was not meant to be. Instead I made an appointment for Monday which I had to call and reschedule for today because my days off changed. It went something like this…

"J’ai un rendez-vous a onze heure for une cire de sourcils. Je besoin changer mon rendez-vous." I have an appt for an eyebrow wax at 11 am. I need to change my appointment.

"Oui, madame, Mercredi a seize heure?" Yes, madame, How about 4pm on Wednesday?

"D’accord, Mecredi a seize heure!" Ok, Wednesday at 4pm.

"Merci, au revoir!" Thank you, see you soon.

Awesome, so I got the rescheduled the brow wax for today at 4pm, which is my day off… great works for me. I arrived about 10 minutes before the appointment. Awesome… it’s not crowded… I’ll get in and out…. I’ll get decent looking eyebrows! Yay!

NOT!

I entered and gave the standard greeting of “Bonjour” and waited for the tech to come and get my name. We didn’t even get that far before the bubble burst….

“Madame, nous avons un problem.” Madame, we have a problem.

“Quel est la problem?” What is the problem? Fucking-A!

“ La techniciene va a hospital.” The technician went to the hospital. This chick had better be dying too….

“ Damn, damn, damn!” I didn’t say this out loud but I was screaming it at the top of my lungs inside my head.

“Je voudrais un autre rendez-vous, sil vous plait.” I would like another appointment, please. Am I gonna have to do my own eyebrows?

“A demain a dix-sept heure?" Tomorrow at 5pm? Here we go again…

“Oui”….. and she better have her ass here tomorrow when I arrive!

"A bientot, au revoir!"

I’m beginning to think this is a damn conspiracy… a conspiracy designed to see how long the American girl can go looking like a caveman, needing an eyebrow wax! If this chick isn’t there tomorrow evening… I’m gonna have to breakdown and do the unthinkable….

go out and buy a pair of tweezers. Shite.

The Prefecture, and Le Rendez-Vous de Le Cheval

Today was a good day! I finally got my carte de sejour (provisional), my definitive carte grise for my car and today was a light work day!

The French have an obsession with taking forever to get stuff done. They are known for their ongoing bureaucracy. I had read about it before moving here but I had no idea how bad it was until I dared to demand a carte residence. It has taken a month to get an appointment at the Prefecture to apply for the carte. The Prefecture gives you an appointment time and tells you in a threatening manner that the appointment time is fixed and you had best show up or else. Ok... if I want the resident carte, why would I not show up? Who does that? Why the threats? Aren't we all adults?


So I show up 5 minutes before the appointment time and get to sit with all the other immigrants trying to get resident cartes. Now I know what it feels like trying to get a green card! The lady called my name and asked for all my documentation... in rapid fire french, which I hastily provided. She said, "merci" and asked me to wait until they called my name. 15 minutes later my name was called again and I had a carte resident provisional. It was so weird hearing, "Madame Cardwell",I kept thinking, "are they talking about me?"


OK, so what do I have to do now? I have to get a medical exam, have a chest x-ray, open a bank account, and get a letter verifying my registration in a French class.... That's it? You sure you don't want to me perform open heart surgery as well? Ok... I think I can handle that!


After the carte resident I went to grab a number to apply for the carte grise. This is the registration for my car. So after I got the form from the info desk, I had to take a number to have my application processed. It didn't take long for number 1170 to be called, in fact it happened so quickly that I hadn't even finished filling out the form. Now this is a huge change from my adventures at the DMV! I can wait up to an hour at the DMV with a number and fill out 6 forms. So I stroll on over to poste 6 and greet the assessor.....


My God! I sit down in front of him and get a whiff of... I can't even describe the stench as anything other than "Ode to Funk!" WTF? Dude, you work with the public! How can you not use deodorant? How can you not know your armpits are humming... and NOT a Precision tune! I sat down and tried not to fall over in the chair from the stench! Thank goodness he didn't move around too much... or I would have had to explain in my turtle French why I was constantly breathing into my shirt!

After giving the State of France 99 euros for the carte grise, I was on my way... to breathing some clean air!

Later we drove to an equestrian club in La Londe, so The Kid could go horseback riding. There are 3 clubs in La Londe but this one... Centre Equine L'Ourail is the only one that works with people with disabilities. Actually we were late getting to the lesson and there was a handicapped group ending their lesson. So we saddled up Etiquette and The Kid mounted up . The Kid cried the ENTIRE time he was on the horse. Etiquette soon got tired of the racket and stopped walking and refused to take another step until The Kid shut the hell up!

Go Etiquette! Etiquette stopped walking and decided he needed a snack. He refused to move until The Kid calmed down. He munched on nearby grass and didn't care who pulled on his bridle.

Who says animals are dumb?

The French Class

As a part of my requirements for getting a long stay visa, I had to agree to take some French classes. So since I am close to Rouen, I decided to get another Diploma., the DELF--- Diplome Etude de Langue Francais.

The DELF is recognized worldwide. I am taking a class for 1 year and at the end I can take an exam to document my French proficiency. The class is cheap by American university standards, and is cheaper than my on line class at St. Cloud State. It's like $500 for the school year!

I am taking the course at the University of Rouen. Rouen is beautiful! It ain't Paris but its got some really cool places to see. I haven't seen much of it but what I have seen is really wonderful. I can't wait to see more and post the pics. In the meantime, this will have to do.... This is the Rouen Cathedral... nice, huh?

My first class was last Friday, I am the only American in the class. What's funny is that I'm not the only person that speaks English! You can't know how happy I was to hear English. Where I live I know 2 people that speak English... that's it! So I was super giddy when I heard people talking in a language I could easily understand. Usually I have to have things repeated 2-3 times if someone is speaking in rapid fire French.... I still haven't figured out how to check my answering machine messages 'cause the french girl is talking too fast!

Bonjour, j' mapelle Cherice. Je suis americaine. J'aime Grey's Anatomy et Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Je parle un peu le francais! Non, je ne mange pas le cheval!

Hi, my name is Cherice. I am American. I like Grey's Anatomy and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I speak a little french. No, I do not eat horse!